sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
