It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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