Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
