My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
