god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize