I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
foreskin is a definite game changer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
