I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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