They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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