i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
