I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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