The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
