i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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