We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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