Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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