I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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