Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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