I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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