she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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