Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
