"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
