please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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