Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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