I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dick has a subreddit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
