Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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