what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
