he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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