Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
