Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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