Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
