Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
