I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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