So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
