worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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