You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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