it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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