Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
