spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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