Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
