I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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