Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
