How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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