I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Alive.
So much puke
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
