Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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