I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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