you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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