well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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