you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
