My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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