I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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