I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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