She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
