and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
