woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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