I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize