Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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