pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
