On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
