I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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