she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
