im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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