I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
